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Caroline Kennedy is admittedly a shy person who has avoided the public spotlight and doesn't have much experience giving speeches or communicating in public.
Watching Kennedy on television recently, it became clear that her lack of communication training and awareness was a problem. This isn't about her bid for the U.S. Senate seat in New York; it is about what happens when anyone attempting to convince others that he or she is right for the job (particularly in job interviews) undermines his or her efforts with poor communication. Much of Kennedy's presentation was punctuated with numerous "you knows" and "ums."
In a recent New York Post interview, Kennedy used "you know" more than 200 times in 40 minutes. In other interviews, virtually every other sentence she began started with "I think." In fact, some sentences combined so many of these communication fillers, non-words (uh) and qualifiers that it became incomprehensible to believe that she believed what she was saying, even if she absolutely did.
Consider this excerpt from a recent Kennedy interview: "You know, I think, you know, sort of, of, oh, sharing some of this experience. And, um, as I've said, he was a friend. (referring to another public figure) was a friend, a family member and, um, so, and oh, obviously, he's you know, he has also had an impressive career in public service."
Ouch. Again, this column isn't meant to disparage Kennedy but rather to point out to the rest of us what we can sound like when we are not fully in control of our own communication. One of the most important qualities of a leader is confidence. Not arrogance or cockiness, but confidence. We need to believe a leader or any person in a significant position believes what he is saying and has the ability to say it in a clear, concise and coherent fashion.
Being shy is one thing. But bumbling through your communication is another. This practice of breaking up complete thoughts and statements with fillers like "um" or "like" or "you know" is deadly. It communicates to the listener that we are anything but confident or clear. It says that we are searching for words and aren't really sure what we want to say.
Further, when we consistently begin sentences with "I think," or worse "maybe," it communicates that again we are not sure. We might be, we could be, but then again, are we? Do you think or do you know that something is the case? Are you confident that if we move in a certain direction a particular outcome will result? You don't sound like it.
What is so insidious about this type of ambiguous and lazy communication is most of the clients I've worked with who use it say they don't even know they are communicating in this fashion until they hear and see themselves on videotape. Often they cringe, saying, "Is that what I sound like?" Yes.
The first step to communicating in a more confident and coherent fashion is to recognize you have a problem. Very often this type of language is so deeply embedded in our communication DNA we aren't even aware of it. It's like other communication faux pas such as interrupting people when they are in the middle of a sentence or going on too long without having a coherent point.
Great communication, or simply coherent communication, is about being aware of our weaknesses and then developing a realistic game plan to improve. The question is: How would you even know you are using communication fillers, nonwords, or qualifiers when trying to connect with others?
Try this: Start out the New Year by putting a presentation of yours (or even a conversation) on videotape. Use a camcorder and then play it back, listen and watch. What you see and hear will surprise you.
Steve Adubato coaches and speaks on communication and leadership. To ask a question, write to sadubato@aol.com or call (973) 744-5260. His website is stand-deliver.com.
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